The Gift of Forgiveness: Letting Go of Regrets This Holiday Season

Alongside the joy and gratitude of the season, many of us find ourselves revisiting the past- replaying decisions, wondering “what if,” and bringing a wave of regrets. So, what if, this holiday season, we chose something different?

As Christmas lights twinkle and carols fill the air, the end of the year invites us to pause and reflect. Alongside the joy and gratitude of the season, many of us find ourselves revisiting the past- replaying decisions, wondering “what if,” and bringing a wave of regrets. So, what if, this holiday season, we chose something different?  What if we gifted ourselves forgiveness – a chance to let go of past mistakes, release self-judgment, and embrace the present with compassion and grace?

Self-forgiveness is not always easy. Yet, it is one of the most liberating and compassionate acts we can offer ourselves. It is a conscious decision to let go of resentment and bitterness. It allows us to release the hold that past experiences have on our emotions, clearing the way for peace and connection. 

The Weight of Regret 

Regret is part of the human experience. Whether it’s missed opportunities, decisions we wish we could change, or relationships we let slip away. These moments linger in our minds. During the holiday season, as we reflect on the past year and nostalgia is on its peak, these regrets often feel amplified. 

While reflection can be productive, regret can also trap us in a cycle of rumination. Overthinking and getting too much into “what-ifs” weighs down our present, keeping us anchored to things we cannot change. Just as we decorate our homes with lights to brighten the season, we can lighten our hearts by releasing these burdens. 

Letting go can feel like a daunting task, especially when the pain runs deep. It can feel like opening ourselves up to being hurt again. And on the other side, holding onto anger can feel empowering, even if it ultimately causes more harm than good. People often equate forgiveness with weakness, forgetting, and reconciliation but recognising those barriers is the first step towards overcoming them. It will take time, and that’s okay. 

Neuroscience Insight

Science supports the powerful impact of forgiveness on our emotional and physical wellbeing. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past but reframes our connection to it. Neurological studies suggest that when we engage in self-compassion practices, we activate brain regions associated with perspective-taking and emotional regulation, such as the anterior cingulate cortex and prefrontal cortex.

This allows us to reinterpret our experiences, viewing mistakes as valuable lessons rather than immutable failures. Shifting our perspective help us transform from burdens into stepping stones, enabling personal growth and the cultivation of a more balanced, forward-focused outlook.  

Forgiveness, in essence, is a form of emotional freedom – a way to step into the future without being held hostage by the past.

Finding Strength in Connection 

Forgiveness doesn’t have to be a solitary act. Sharing your journey with others can provide unexpected strength. 

When we open up about our struggles, we often discover that others share similar feelings of regret and self-doubt. This shared humanity is comforting and empowering. In the spirit of the season, consider reaching out – whether it’s reconnecting with someone you’ve lost touch with or creating new traditions with those around you. Strength is often found in togetherness. 

Here’s how to begin your journey toward self-forgiveness: 

1. Take time to identify and accept your regrets. Journaling can help you process lingering emotions. 

2. Engage in a ritual, such as writing down your regrets and burning the paper, to signify releasing the past. 

3. Shift your focus to what went well this year. Make a list of moments, big or small, that brought joy. 

4. When self-critical thoughts arise, challenge them by asking, “Would I say this to someone I care about?” 
5. Repeat affirmations like “I release my regrets and open myself to new possibilities.” 

PAUSE AND REFLECT

Take a moment to think about a regret or decision you often revisit. What emotions does it bring up?

Now imagine a close friend confiding this same regret in you. How would you respond to them?

Chances are, you’d offer reassurance, understanding, and encouragement. Can you offer yourself the same kindness? 

Letting Go and Embracing the Present 

Holiday season beautifully blends celebration, hope, and renewal. It invites us to pause, reflect, and dream about the future while surrounded by warmth, love, and the promise of new beginnings. However, holding onto regrets during this festive period can prevent us from fully experiencing its joy. The weight of past mistakes, unfulfilled expectations, or unresolved what-ifs can overshadow the spirit of the season, keeping us anchored in a version of ourselves we no longer need to carry. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting – it means making the conscious decision not to let past mistakes define us or our future. 

During this time of year, rituals can be a transformative way to mark this release and renewal. Engaging in symbolic practices can help us bridge the gap between our inner intentions and outward actions. For instance, writing a letter to yourself can be a brave act of self-compassion and growth. Begin by acknowledging your regrets with honesty and kindness, recognising the emotions tied to them without judgment. Then, express forgiveness to yourself for any perceived shortcomings, understanding that mistakes are part of being human. Finally, set intentions for the future, focusing on how you want to grow and what you want to embrace moving forward. Seal the letter and store it somewhere safe as a tangible reminder of your commitment to self-compassion and renewal. 

If writing a letter feels too formal, there are other meaningful ways to embody the same sentiment. Some people find peace in creating a “letting go” ritual, such as releasing a small paper boat or floating lantern with their written regrets into a river or lake. Others may find comfort in lighting a candle, symbolising the transformation of burdens into light. These small yet impactful gestures align beautifully with – shining light into darkness and stepping into a fresh chapter with hope and purpose. 

These rituals help us move forward and make space for gratitude and joy in the present moment. 

As you set resolutions for the New Year, include self-compassion among them. Resolutions often focus on external achievements – career milestones, fitness goals, or financial success. While these are valuable, they should not come at the cost of your inner peace. 

By embracing self-forgiveness, you pave the way for a kinder, more authentic relationship with yourself. This self-compassion will ripple into other areas of your life, strengthening your connections and allowing you to approach challenges with renewed resilience. 

Cultural connection

Across cultures and traditions, forgiveness holds a deep significance. Many spiritual and philosophical teachings emphasise forgiveness as a cornerstone of emotional and societal harmony. For example, some Indigenous cultures see forgiveness as a communal act of restoration. Practices like the Māori “ho‘oponopono” process in Hawaii involve rituals of apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation to heal relationships and the broader community. 

A Season of Renewal 

As the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, let it symbolise a fresh start -not just for the calendar year but for your heart and mind. Celebrate your growth, honour your journey, and step into the New Year with grace and hope.  

Self-forgiveness is about finding the courage to move forward, not erasing the past. Let the gift of forgiveness transform your life, opening the door to a future filled with possibility and peace. 

Reflect

How have you embraced self-forgiveness this year?

Reflect and pass this piece along to someone who might need it. 

References:

1. Neff, K. (2012). Self-compassion: the proven power of being kind to yourself. Harper Collins. 
2. James, M., PhD. (2011, May 23). Ho‘oponopono can help anyone let go of resentment. Psychology Today. The Hawaiian Secret of Forgiveness | Psychology Today United Kingdom
3. Majumdar, A., Kumar, S., & Bakshi, A. J. (2019). The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist’s Journey from Helplessness to Optimism. British Journal of Guidance and Counselling, 47(2), 263–264. https://doi.org/10.1080/03069885.2019.1612034  
4. Klimecki, O. M., Leiberg, S., Ricard, M., & Singer, T. (2013). Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 9(6), 873–879. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nst060 
5. Lutz, J., Berry, M. P., Napadow, V., Germer, C., Pollak, S., Gardiner, P., Edwards, R. R., Desbordes, G., & Schuman-Olivier, Z. (2020). Neural activations during self-related processing in patients with chronic pain and effects of a brief self-compassion training – A pilot study. Psychiatry Research Neuroimaging, 304, 111155. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pscychresns.2020.111155 

This piece was written for you by

Sunistha Chopra (GMBPsS)

A Trainee Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner / Neuro Brain Trust Member 

Sunistha is a Trainee Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner with a background in Clinical Neurodevelopmental Sciences. Passionate about mental wellbeing accessibility, safeguarding, and service evaluation, she is dedicated to fostering resilience and wellbeing through evidence-based knowledge and storytelling. 

Sunistha Chopra (GMBPsS)

A Trainee Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner / Neuro Brain Trust Member 

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