The Gift of Forgiveness: Letting Go of Regrets This Holiday Season

Alongside the joy and gratitude of the season, many of us find ourselves revisiting the past- replaying decisions, wondering “what if,” and bringing a wave of regrets.

So, what if, this holiday season, we chose something different?

Key Takeaways

– Self-forgiveness is a conscious choice to release regrets, self-judgment, and resentment, creating space for peace and personal growth.
– Holiday reflections often amplify regrets, but holding onto them can prevent us from fully embracing the present.
– Forgiveness activates brain regions like the prefrontal cortex, improving emotional regulation and shifting perspective from failure to growth.
– Steps toward self-forgiveness: Identify and accept your regrets through journaling; engage in rituals like writing down regrets and burning the paper; focus on positive moments from the past year; challenge self-critical thoughts with compassionate responses; use affirmations like “I release my regrets and open myself to new possibilities.”
– Many Indigenous cultures, like the Hawaiian Ho‘oponopono practice, view forgiveness as a communal act of restoration and healing.
– Self-forgiveness is not about forgetting but about freeing yourself from the past.

AT A GLANCE

A Season of Reflection, A Chance for Renewal

As Christmas lights twinkle and carols fill the air, the end of the year invites us to pause and reflect. Alongside the joy and gratitude of the season, many of us find ourselves revisiting the past- replaying decisions, wondering “what if,” and bringing a wave of regrets.

What if, this holiday season, we chose something different?  What if we gifted ourselves forgiveness – a chance to let go of past mistakes, release self-judgment, and embrace the present with compassion and grace?

Why Self-Forgiveness Is an Act of Strength

Self-forgiveness is not always easy. Yet, it is one of the most liberating and compassionate acts we can offer ourselves. It is a conscious decision to let go of resentment and bitterness. It allows us to release the hold that past experiences have on our emotions, clearing the way for peace and connection. 

The Weight of Regret 

Regret is part of the human experience. Whether it’s missed opportunities, decisions we wish we could change, or relationships we let slip away. These moments linger in our minds. During the holiday season, as we reflect on the past year and nostalgia is on its peak, these regrets often feel amplified. 

While reflection can be productive, regret can also trap us in a cycle of rumination. Overthinking and getting too much into “what-ifs” weighs down our present, keeping us anchored to things we cannot change. Just as we decorate our homes with lights to brighten the season, we can lighten our hearts by releasing these burdens. 

Releasing the Past to Lighten the Present

Letting go can feel like a daunting task, especially when the pain runs deep. It can feel like opening ourselves up to being hurt again. And on the other side, holding onto anger can feel empowering, even if it ultimately causes more harm than good. People often equate forgiveness with weakness, forgetting, and reconciliation but recognising those barriers is the first step towards overcoming them. It will take time, and that’s okay. 

Neuroscience Insight

Science supports the powerful impact of forgiveness on our emotional and physical wellbeing. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past but reframes our connection to it. Neurological studies suggest that when we engage in self-compassion practices, we activate brain regions associated with perspective-taking and emotional regulation, such as the anterior cingulate cortex and prefrontal cortex.

This allows us to reinterpret our experiences, viewing mistakes as valuable lessons rather than immutable failures. Shifting our perspective help us transform from burdens into stepping stones, enabling personal growth and the cultivation of a more balanced, forward-focused outlook.  

Forgiveness, in essence, is a form of emotional freedom – a way to step into the future without being held hostage by the past.

To explore more about how our brains support emotional healing and resilience, read The Science of Emotional Resilience.

Finding Strength in Connection and Place

Forgiveness doesn’t have to be a solitary act. Sharing your journey with others can provide unexpected strength. 

When we open up about our struggles, we often discover that others share similar feelings of regret and self-doubt. This shared humanity is comforting and empowering. In the spirit of the season, consider reaching out – whether it’s reconnecting with someone you’ve lost touch with or creating new traditions with those around you. Strength is often found in togetherness. 

Equally, strength can be found in place. Natural environments — rivers, forests, gardens, coastlines — offer us metaphors of growth, release, and renewal. A walk among trees shedding their leaves or waves smoothing the sand can mirror the letting-go process. Place-based rituals, such as planting something symbolic in the earth, watching birds migrate, or building a cairn with intentions for the year ahead, can root emotional healing in nature’s cycles. 

If your journey of forgiveness includes navigating parenting challenges, you may find comfort in Understanding Challenging Behaviours in Children.

Steps to Begin Your Journey 

Here’s how to begin your journey toward self-forgiveness: 

1. Take time to identify and accept your regrets. Journaling can help you process lingering emotions. 

2. Engage in a ritual, such as writing down your regrets and burning the paper, to signify releasing the past. Or use nature-based alternatives — release regrets into a flowing river with a biodegradable note, bury your fears under a tree, or walk a labyrinth with an intention of peace.

3. Shift your focus to what went well this year. Make a list of moments, big or small, that brought joy. 

4. When self-critical thoughts arise, challenge them by asking, “Would I say this to someone I care about?” 
5. Repeat affirmations like “I release my regrets and open myself to new possibilities.” 

Letting Go and Embracing the Present 

Holiday season beautifully blends celebration, hope, and renewal. It invites us to pause, reflect, and dream about the future while surrounded by warmth, love, and the promise of new beginnings.

Where Forgiveness Becomes the First Step Forward 

However, holding onto regrets during this festive period can prevent us from fully experiencing its joy.

The weight of past mistakes, unfulfilled expectations, or unresolved what-ifs can overshadow the spirit of the season, keeping us anchored in a version of ourselves we no longer need to carry. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting – it means making the conscious decision not to let past mistakes define us or our future. 

Rituals to Release the Past and Reclaim the Present 

During this time of year, rituals can be a transformative way to mark this release and renewal. Engaging in symbolic practices can help us bridge the gap between our inner intentions and outward actions. For instance, writing a letter to yourself can be a brave act of self-compassion and growth.

Begin by acknowledging your regrets with honesty and kindness, recognising the emotions tied to them without judgment. Then, express forgiveness to yourself for any perceived shortcomings, understanding that mistakes are part of being human.

Finally, set intentions for the future, focusing on how you want to grow and what you want to embrace moving forward. Seal the letter and store it somewhere safe as a tangible reminder of your commitment to self-compassion and renewal. 

Lighting a Candle for What No Longer Serves You 

If writing a letter feels too formal, there are other meaningful ways to embody the same sentiment. Some people find peace in creating a “letting go” ritual, such as releasing a small paper boat or floating lantern with their written regrets into a river or lake.

Others may find comfort in lighting a candle, symbolising the transformation of burdens into light. These small yet impactful gestures align beautifully with – shining light into darkness and stepping into a fresh chapter with hope and purpose. 

Designing Rituals That Move With the Seasons 

Engaging with the natural world around you can amplify this renewal. Winter encourages stillness and introspection; spring promises rebirth. Design your forgiveness rituals around the season you are in: light a candle to mark the darkness and your inner light; scatter flower petals into a stream in springtime to release grief; or write a message in the sand and let the tide carry it away. 

These rituals help us move forward and make space for gratitude and joy in the present moment. 

Forgiveness as a New Year’s Ritual 

As you set resolutions for the New Year, include self-compassion among them. Resolutions often focus on external achievements – career milestones, fitness goals, or financial success. While these are valuable, they should not come at the cost of your inner peace. 

By embracing self-forgiveness, you pave the way for a kinder, more authentic relationship with yourself. This self-compassion will ripple into other areas of your life, strengthening your connections and allowing you to approach challenges with renewed resilience. 

Cultural Connection

Across cultures and traditions, forgiveness holds a deep significance. Many spiritual and philosophical teachings emphasise forgiveness as a cornerstone of emotional and societal harmony.

For example, some Indigenous cultures see forgiveness as a communal act of restoration. Practices like the Māori “ho‘oponopono” process in Hawaii involve rituals of apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation to heal relationships and the broader community. 

In many Indigenous teachings, land itself is part of the healing process. Restoring emotional balance includes honouring the relationship with the natural world — offering gratitude, walking respectfully, and including place in one’s ritual of release.

Extend Your Journey with Compassion and Clarity

Self-forgiveness is a practice, not a destination — and you don’t have to walk it alone. We’ve created gentle, science-backed tools and companion articles to help you continue your journey toward emotional healing and renewal:

• Fostering Compassion Calendar – Cultivate daily acts of compassion for yourself and others through a simple, seasonally aligned calendar.
• The Gift of Reassurance – Offer yourself and loved ones grounding affirmations and words of comfort for moments of emotional overwhelm.
• 7 Types of Rest – Learn how different forms of rest can restore your emotional balance and reduce regret-driven fatigue.

All of those resources (and more) are available for free to our subscribers. Simply sign up here, download, print and share them with your loved ones. 

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A Season of Renewal 

As the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, let it symbolise a fresh start -not just for the calendar year but for your heart and mind. Celebrate your growth, honour your journey, and step into the New Year with grace and hope.  

Self-forgiveness is about finding the courage to move forward, not erasing the past. Let the gift of forgiveness transform your life, opening the door to a future filled with possibility and peace. To support your self-forgiveness journey with radical self-kindness, explore Embracing Imperfection and Self-Acceptance.

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References:

1. Neff, K. (2012). Self-compassion: the proven power of being kind to yourself. Harper Collins. 
2. James, M., PhD. (2011, May 23). Ho‘oponopono can help anyone let go of resentment. Psychology Today. The Hawaiian Secret of Forgiveness | Psychology Today United Kingdom
3. Majumdar, A., Kumar, S., & Bakshi, A. J. (2019). The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist’s Journey from Helplessness to Optimism. British Journal of Guidance and Counselling, 47(2), 263–264. https://doi.org/10.1080/03069885.2019.1612034  
4. Klimecki, O. M., Leiberg, S., Ricard, M., & Singer, T. (2013). Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 9(6), 873–879. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nst060 
5. Lutz, J., Berry, M. P., Napadow, V., Germer, C., Pollak, S., Gardiner, P., Edwards, R. R., Desbordes, G., & Schuman-Olivier, Z. (2020). Neural activations during self-related processing in patients with chronic pain and effects of a brief self-compassion training – A pilot study. Psychiatry Research Neuroimaging, 304, 111155. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pscychresns.2020.111155 

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