Parenting is one of life’s most rewarding yet challenging roles. Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your child’s tantrums?
Parenting, one of life’s most beautiful, yet complex roles, can become even more nuanced when faced with challenging behaviours in children. It’s important to remember that parents are not alone in this journey. Behaviours like tantrums or aggression are not uncommon, and there are compassionate, effective ways to approach and understand them.
What Are Challenging Behaviours?
Challenging behaviours encompass a range of actions that disrupt a child’s daily life, impact their ability to connect with others, or even threaten their own safety. For instance, a child may display physical aggression like hitting or pushing, verbal outbursts, or even self-injurious actions.
These behaviours, often signalling a struggle within the child as a response to frustration or an inability to communicate needs effectively. They are common among all children, particularly toddlers and pre-schoolers. In children with developmental or learning challenges this behaviour can be harder to handle. Understanding that these conducts are often a way for children to express their needs—especially when they lack the words or skills to do so—helps us see them in a more compassionate light.
Neuroscience Insight
Did you know that challenging behaviours often stem from a child’s developing brain, particularly the areas responsible for emotional regulation? Research highlights that children under stress may rely more on their emotional brain (amygdala) than their thinking brain (prefrontal cortex), leading to impulsive actions like meltdowns or aggression.
Understanding the Cause of Challenging Behaviours
Children’s behaviours, even the challenging ones, have underlying causes. Some key factors that can influence a child’s behaviour include:
Developing brain
The developing brain of a child undergoes significant growth during early childhood. This ongoing process in the brain is highly related to plasticity; it can adapt and reorganise itself in response to experiences. In this sense, while the regions of the brain related to higher-order functions are still evolving, tantrums can occur when children feel overwhelmed, tired, or unable to regulate their emotions.
Learning how to regulate emotions is a highly interactive process, which is why positive interactions with caregivers are essential for healthy brain development.
Sensory processing needs
Sensory sensitivities can make seemingly ordinary environments overwhelming. A child who is hypersensitive to sounds, textures, or lights might feel distressed in busy settings, leading to meltdowns or avoidance behaviours. These reactions are often misunderstood, yet they represent the child’s attempt to self-regulate in a world that feels chaotic to them.
Emotional development and temperament
Temperament plays a significant role in how children respond to stress. Some children have a more intense emotional response to new or challenging situations, making managing impulses or frustrations harder. This emotional sensitivity, common in children within the autism spectrum, for instance, can lead to frequent meltdowns or inadequate responses.
Environmental and social stressors
Every child is affected by their surroundings. Changes like moving, a new sibling, or family stress can make children feel unsettled, which may manifest as challenging behaviour. In addition, cultural expectations or community settings can affect how behaviour is perceived and responded to, influencing the child’s comfort level in various situations.
Developmental and biological influences
For some children, neurological or developmental differences can influence behaviour. Children within the autism spectrum or intellectual disabilities, for instance, may engage in self-injurious behaviours, display aggression, or exhibit repetitive actions. These behaviours may intensify when the child feels overstimulated or lacks adequate support to express themselves.
Types of Challenging Behaviours
- Tantrums and meltdowns: Tantrums, often short outbursts of frustration, are common during early childhood. Meltdowns, however, can last longer and are common in children who feel overwhelmed, particularly those with autism or sensory sensitivities.
- Aggression: This includes physical actions like hitting, biting, or kicking and can result from frustration, sensory overload, or difficulty communicating needs.
- Self-injury: For children with specific developmental challenges, self-injurious behaviours like head-banging or skin-picking may serve to cope with intense stress or sensory needs.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think back to a time when your child acted out.
What emotions or needs might they have been trying to express?
Compassionate Parenting Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviours
Compassionate strategies for managing challenging behaviours are not just effective but also empowering for parents. Approaching these behaviours in a gentle and supportive way can foster growth and resilience, benefiting both parent and child. Here are some strategies for parents to consider:
1. Functional Behaviour Assessment (FBA)
Functional behaviour assessments aim to understand why certain behaviours occur by observing patterns and identifying triggers. This approach helps parents address root causes, making behaviour management more effective and compassionate.
2. Creating a safe and supportive environment
Organising home or school spaces to meet a child’s sensory and emotional needs can help prevent some challenging behaviours. Simple steps, like providing a quiet space or using visual schedules, give children a sense of control and predictability, which can be exceptionally comforting for children with Autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
3. Building communication skills
Communication difficulties often lead to frustration-driven behaviours. For children with limited speech, picture cards or sign language can help them express their needs effectively and calmly. Children with more communication tools are less likely to resort to challenging behaviours to make their needs and feelings known.
4. Seeking support and building a community
Raising a child with challenging behaviours can be isolating but reaching out to parent support groups (like our NeuroChild Village), therapists, or school resources can offer relief. Family members who understand and provide support play an essential role in helping parents manage challenging behaviours. Support networks remind parents they are not alone in their journey and can be a source of shared wisdom and encouragement.
Cultural Connection
In Maori culture, whānau (family) plays a central role in raising children. The collective effort to support and nurture helps create a strong foundation for handling challenging behaviours. How might drawing on your community make a difference in your parenting journey?
Navigating challenging behaviours requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to understand the child’s unique needs. Children may not always understand or control their actions, especially when their emotional or sensory worlds are overwhelming. With patience and a willingness to look beyond the behaviour to the child’s heart, parents can foster positive change and deepened connections.
Final Thoughts
Remember, every child and every situation is unique. There is no “one-size-fits-all” solution when it comes to managing challenging behaviours. The commitment to understanding and supporting children through their unique challenging moments is a beautiful, courageous choice that contributes to their growth and wellbeing.
For further resources and studies to support you in understanding and managing challenging behaviours, please refer to the studies linked throughout this blog post.
Reflect
What strategies have helped you navigate challenging behaviours?
Take a moment to reflect and share this with a fellow parent who might find this guide helpful.
References:
- Absoud, M., Wake, H., Ziriat, M., & Hassiotis, A. (2019). Managing challenging behaviour in children with possible learning disability. BMJ, l1663. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.l1663
- Didden, R., Sturmey, P., Sigafoos, J., Lang, R., O’Reilly, M. F., & Lancioni, G. E. (2012). Nature, prevalence, and characteristics of challenging behavior. In Autism and child psychopathology series (pp. 25–44). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-3037-7_3
- O’Reilly, M., Rispoli, M., Davis, T., Machalicek, W., Lang, R., Sigafoos, J., Kang, S., Lancioni, G., Green, V., & Didden, R. (2009). Functional analysis of challenging behavior in children with autism spectrum disorders: A summary of 10 cases. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 4(1), 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2009.07.001
- Korbut, S., Hedley, D., Chetcuti, L., Sahin, E., & Nuske, H. J. (2019). Temperament predicts challenging behavior in children with autism spectrum disorder at age 5. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 71, 101492. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2019.101492
- Rogers, B. (2009). How to manage children’s challenging behaviour. In SAGE Publications Ltd eBooks. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781446251690
- Worcester, J. A., Nesman, T. M., Mendez, L. M. R., & Keller, H. R. (2008). Giving Voice to Parents of Young Children with Challenging Behavior. Exceptional Children, 74(4), 509–525. https://doi.org/10.1177/001440290807400406
- Center on the Developing Child (2007). The Science of Early Childhood Development (InBrief). Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
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