Empathy Milestones: How Empathy Develops from Infancy to Adolescence  

Have you ever wondered how a child progresses from simply mirroring emotions to deeply understanding and caring for others?

Key Takeaways

– From emotional contagion in infancy to complex moral reasoning in adolescence, empathy grows over time. 
– The mirror neuron system, prefrontal cortex, and amygdala shape empathy development. 
– Infancy (0-2 Years): Babies sense distress in others through emotional contagion and begin self-other differentiation by age one. 
– Toddlerhood (2-4 Years): Cognitive empathy emerges as children recognise that others have different thoughts and feelings. 
– Early Childhood (4-7 Years): Theory of mind develops, allowing children to understand varied emotional responses. 
– Middle Childhood (7-12 Years): Advanced perspective-taking enables understanding of complex emotions like guilt and pride. 
– Adolescence (13-18 Years): Teens refine empathy, engage in social justice issues, and practice emotional regulation. 
– Model empathy, encourage perspective-taking, and promote emotional literacy through conversation and storytelling. 
– Indigenous storytelling teaches children about emotions, kindness, and communal responsibility. 

AT A GLANCE

Empathy is a fundamental human trait that enables us to recognise, understand and share the feelings of others. It is the foundation of strong relationships, cooperation, and emotional intelligence. Empathy does not emerge fully formed but develops through distinct stages from infancy to adolescence. Understanding these empathy milestones can help parents, educators, and caregivers foster emotional intelligence in children effectively. 

Neuroscience Insight

Research shows that empathy is deeply rooted in the brain, primarily in the mirror neuron system, which allows individuals to recognise and reflect emotions. Studies indicate that the prefrontal cortex and amygdala play key roles in emotional processing, shaping how empathy evolves over time.

The mirror neuron system provides us with the neurobiological basis for mutual emotional understanding. If we experience the feelings of another person, our own networks of nerve cells are attuned to them, i.e. they resonate, and this allows the feelings of another person to appear in our mental experience. This mechanism occurs in all people, so our system of mirror cells creates a supra-individual neuronal basis, which in turn creates a huge, interpersonal area of meaning. 

Empathy Milestones from Infancy to Adolescence

Infancy (0-2 Years): The Seeds of Empathy 

Empathy begins developing at birth. Babies display what is known as emotional contagion – they cry when they hear another baby cry, reflecting an innate ability to sense distress in others. By six months, infants show a preference for prosocial behaviour, favouring kind and helpful interactions over aggressive ones. 

By one year, infants begin to exhibit self-other differentiation – they start to understand that they are separate beings from others. This is evident when toddlers comfort others by offering their toys or patting them when they are upset. While this early form of empathy is largely egocentric, it lays the foundation for more advanced empathy later in life. 

What can you do?  

• Use gentle touch, soothing tones, and expressions to model caring responses.  
• Describe emotions in simple words: “Oh, you see they are sad. Let’s comfort them.” 

Toddlerhood (2-4 Years): The Emergence of Perspective-Taking 

Between two and four years, children begin to develop cognitive empathy – the ability to recognise that others have thoughts and feelings different from their own. They start to understand basic emotions in others and may attempt to comfort someone in distress, though their responses may still be centred around their personal experiences (e.g. offering their own favourite toy to a sad friend, assuming it will bring comfort). 

During this stage, language development plays a very important role in empathy growth. Children start to articulate feelings and recognise the emotions of characters in books or media. Parents can nurture empathy by talking about emotions and modelling compassionate behaviour. 

What can you do?  

• Read books with emotional themes and ask, “How do you comfort yourself (or others) when you feel big emotions like this?”  

• Encourage pretend play where children act out different emotions and scenarios. 

Early Childhood (4-7 Years): Developing Emotional Intelligence 

By age four, children display a more refined understanding of emotions. They recognise that different people can have different emotional reactions to the same situation. This is the beginning of theory of mind, the ability to attribute mental states to others. Theory of mind is thought to be associated with the cognitive component of empathy. 

At this stage, children can express concern for others beyond their immediate family, including peers and even fictional characters. They engage in imaginative play, which helps them practice empathy by taking on different roles. Activities such as role-playing and discussing moral dilemmas can help further develop empathy during this period. 

An example of evolution towards the ability to create a cognitive representation of another person could be, for example, an attempt to deceive parents (let this be a consolation to those parents who are terrified that they are raising a monster). In order to deceive someone, you must be aware of their way of thinking and emotions. 

What can you do?  

• Encourage role-playing activities where children take on different characters’ emotions and perspectives.  

• Use scenarios where they practice helping others solve problems empathetically. 

• Discuss moral dilemmas to encourage empathetic thinking. 

Middle Childhood (7-12 Years): Empathy Becomes More Complex 

Between ages seven and twelve, children develop advanced perspective-taking skills, enabling them to understand more nuanced emotions such as embarrassment, guilt, or pride. They begin to see things from multiple viewpoints, which increases their ability to navigate social relationships. 

At this stage, children start to understand empathy beyond their immediate surroundings, showing concern for societal issues such as poverty or injustice. Encouraging conversations about fairness, justice, and different life experiences can help children build deeper empathetic connections. 

Research suggests that exposure to diverse social settings, including friendships with people from different backgrounds, increases empathy development. 

What can you do?  

• Introduce discussions about ethical dilemmas and real-world challenges.  

• Encourage children to participate in community service activities. 

Adolescence (13-18 Years): Refining and Applying Empathy 

During adolescence, empathy becomes more sophisticated. Teenagers develop emotional regulation, allowing them to empathise without becoming overwhelmed by others’ emotions. They can also engage in abstract thinking, which enables them to empathise with people they have never met, such as those from different cultures or historical figures. 

Adolescents may become passionate about social justice issues and be motivated to take action based on their empathetic understanding. Volunteering, participating in discussions about ethics, and engaging in meaningful relationships can help further cultivate empathy during this stage. 

At this stage of development, the basis of moral attitudes is formed: a person begins to understand what justice is, the common good, non-violence, or love. They begin to name it, understand it and accept it. Sometimes they take the form of certain unconditional ideals, which can, for example, evolve into youthful rebellion. With a black and white view of the world, a child sees contradictions in family life, and unable to understand their source, they rebel against parents who do not fulfil their own resolutions or do not follow their own established norms. 

What can you do?  

• Encourage teens to participate in mentorship programs, advocacy groups, or community-building efforts where they can practice and expand their empathetic understanding.  

Cultural Connection

In many Indigenous cultures, storytelling is used to help young children understand emotions and the perspectives of others. Narratives about kindness and communal responsibility shape their empathetic responses from an early age. 

Nurturing Empathy Across Developmental Stages 

Empathy is a skill that can be nurtured throughout life. Here are some strategies to encourage empathy in children: 

• Model empathetic behaviour: Children learn by observing how adults treat others. 

• Encourage perspective-taking: Ask questions like, “What do you notice about them?” 

• Promote emotional literacy: Help children name and understand their emotions. 

• Engage in acts of kindness: Small gestures of kindness can foster empathy. 

• Read and discuss stories: Books and media can help children understand different perspectives. 

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Free Resources for Teaching Empathy 

Empathy is a skill that can be nurtured throughout life. To support parents and educators, we’ve created free resources: 

• Empathy Story Cards – a printable resource featuring story-based scenarios designed to help children develop empathy and perspective-taking. 

• Emotion Flashcards – a printable resource to help you guide your child in exploring and expressing their feelings.  

• Fostering Compassion Calendar – a perfect reminder to practice compassion every day. 

All of those resources (and more) are available for free to our subscribers. Simply sign up here, download, print and share them with your kids to help them thrive. 

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Final Thoughts

Empathy is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It develops through predictable milestones, from emotional contagion in infancy to complex moral reasoning in adolescence. By nurturing empathy, we can raise compassionate, socially responsible individuals who contribute positively to the world. 

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References:

1. Gaspar, A., & Esteves, F. (2022). Empathy development from adolescence to adulthood and its consistency across targets. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.936053  
2. Walsh, E. W. M. a. D., PhD. (2019, May 9). Empathy is a work-in-progress throughout childhood and adolescence. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/smart-parenting-smarter-kids/201905/how-children-develop-empathy  
3. Clabough, E., PhD. (2022, February 5). A little neuroscience-based structure goes a long way to promote empathy. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/neuroparent/202202/how-to-scaffold-empathy-for-kids-practice-makes-proficient  
4. Clabough, E., PhD. (2020, April 1). Research-based ideas to help us practice our most important skill: kindness. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/neuroparent/202004/6-easy-ways-measure-your-childs-empathy  
5. Tsou, Y., Li, B., Wiefferink, C. H., Frijns, J. H. M., & Rieffe, C. (2021). The Developmental Trajectory of Empathy and Its Association with Early Symptoms of Psychopathology in Children with and without Hearing Loss. Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology, 49(9), 1151–1164. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-021-00816-x  
6. Matthews, D., PhD. (2019, November 1). Part 2: How does empathy develop? What are the steps to becoming empathetic? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/going-beyond-intelligence/201911/empathy-milestones-how-your-child-becomes-more-empathetic  
7. Jak rodzi się empatyczna dojrzałość? | Akcja Empatia. (2019, September 16). https://akcja-empatia.pl/2019/09/16/jak-rodzi-sie-empatyczna-dojrzalosc/ 

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