Is empathy something that can be nurtured? And if so, when should you start?
Parenting is one of life’s greatest challenges and privileges. A child who learns emotional intelligence, kindness, and compassion will grow into a strong, understanding adult capable of forming meaningful relationships. However, with all the books hoping to guide caregivers, conflicting parent advice, theories with developed types of parenting, and all well-meaning relatives offering guidance, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
The good news is that it’s never too early – or too late – to cultivate compassion in children. By expanding your thinking, easing your worries, and offering actionable tips, we hope to make your life a little easier – and your child’s a little brighter.
Neuroscience Insight
Children’s developing brains are highly susceptible to the environments and experiences they’re exposed to. Research indicates that children’s empathy is associated with individual factors like emotion regulation and language ability, as well as family factors such as maternal emotion socialisation style. These elements collectively influence the development of empathy in early childhood.
Children’s ability to develop empathy and prosocial behaviours depends heavily on the skills they learn and the behaviours modelled for them. This means that as a parent, you have a deep influence on shaping your child’s emotional intelligence.
Raising an Empathetic Child: Building Emotional Intelligence & Kindness
Raising a child is one of the most complex and rewarding challenges a parent can face, and there is no single “right” way to do it. Every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Recognising this individuality is the first step toward cultivating an environment where they can thrive. However, parents must also take a critical look at their own abilities in areas such as sharing, creativity, problem-solving, and positivity. It’s essential to identify any personal struggles in these areas before introducing them as values to your child.
Children are especially vulnerable to the influences around them; their developing brains absorb behaviours, attitudes, and skills like sponges. This makes it all the more important to focus on fostering empathy and prosocial behaviours, no matter the age or background of your child.
The Power of Leading by Example
Firstly, before teaching a child about empathy, it’s important to reflect on your own behaviours. You can ask yourself:
- Do I practice kindness and patience in daily interactions?
- How do I respond to stress, conflict, and frustration?
- Do I model active listening and emotional openness?
Children are keen observers, and they learn best by watching adults in their lives. A parent who consistently demonstrates empathy, fairness, and compassion naturally instils these values in a child. Studies, like those by Xu et all, show that children’s empathy is linked to their attachment styles, which are influenced by parenting practices. Secure attachment, often resulting from responsive and empathetic parenting, is positively correlated with higher empathy levels in children.
The Importance of Positive Reinforcement
There are always ways to increase empathy and prosocial behaviour, no matter what age, situation, or background one has. For instance, teaching sharing can reduce selfishness and hostility while fostering kindness and proactive decision-making. Additionally, encouraging creativity is linked to lower aggression and higher social wellbeing, whether through problem-solving in math or designing a dress, creative pursuits can have lots of benefits.
Problem-solving skills are foundational for strong relationships, as they help resolve problems efficiently, reduce stress, and strengthen resilience. Additionally, speaking positivity into a child’s life not only supports their brain development but also helps them build a strong sense of self-esteem. Children grow into the environment they are given, so leading by example in these areas is one of the most powerful ways to shape a compassionate and resilient individual.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
How comfortable am I with expressing my own emotions?
What can I do to model emotional openness and understanding for my child?
Rewiring the Cycle of Parenting
Our approach to parenting is often shaped by the echoes of our own childhood experiences. Many of us were raised in environments where parental attention was predominantly triggered by negativity. Caregivers often reacted to perceived shortcomings – a low grade, a sibling quarrel, or being home late – while achievements, good behaviour, and acts of kindness were met with silence. Successes were considered the baseline, not something warranting acknowledgment.
As a result, our brains became wired to focus on the negative, constantly scanning for threats, fearing disapproval, and striving for acceptance. This deep-seated need to please, born from feeling “not enough,” often finds expression in how we now parent. In our desire to protect our children from the inadequacy we once felt, we risk tipping the balance too far – fulfilling every whim, avoiding boundaries, and mistaking indulgence for love.
Modelling Positive Approach Is the Key
Nurturing parenting lies not in overcompensation but in modelling a genuinely positive approach. This means celebrating not just achievements but effort, participation, and presence. It’s about showing gratitude for the small moments – helping with dinner, showing kindness to a sibling, or simply sharing a smile. It’s thanking children for who they are, not just for what they do.
When we shift our focus from what’s lacking to what’s present, we not only heal our own childhood wounds but also create an environment where our children can grow with resilience, self-worth, and an authentic sense of belonging. In modelling positivity, we empower them to navigate life not out of fear of failure but with the confidence that their worth is never in question.
Actionable Steps to Foster Empathy and Compassion
Encourage Team Participation
Team activities teach children to value others’ ideas, work collaboratively, become more self-aware, and build confidence. The mentorship from coaches, teachers, or group leaders can reinforce positive social behaviours and reduce antisocial tendencies.
Encourage your child to join a team or club that fosters cooperation and social connection.
Cultivate Responsibility Through Pet Care
Caring for a pet helps children develop responsibility, empathy, and emotional regulation. Studies show that children who are highly attached to their pets exhibit higher levels of empathy, suggesting that pet ownership can foster empathetic development.
Alternative option: If you don’t have a pet or pet ownership is too feasible, consider giving your child responsibility for a garden, younger sibling, or volunteering at an animal shelter.
Use Media to Teach Empathy
Media consumption shapes children’s perceptions and behaviours. Exposure to literature and media that depict empathetic interactions can strengthen children’s empathy and social understanding. For example, children’s books featuring animals as central characters are used to promote ecological empathy. Conversely, violent media fosters aggression.
Choose books, shows, and stories with strong, compassionate role models. Discuss character choices and ask questions.
Promote Emotional Expression and Vulnerability
Helping children name and express their emotions builds emotional intelligence and trust. Open conversations about emotions reduce aggression and strengthen parent-child bonds. Our bodies are an extension of our emotions. Unlike previous generations, we – and our children – can learn to recognise that emotions are not separate from us; they manifest in our bodies as sensations, tensions, or restlessness. When we view emotions as fleeting and external, it becomes easier to deny or suppress them, ultimately disconnecting us from our true selves.
Regularly name emotions in everyday situations, e.g., “I’m feeling frustrated because…” and encourage your child to do the same. Help them notice where they feel that emotion in their body, reinforcing the connection between mind and body.
Introduce Cultural Awareness and Inclusion
Exposing children to different cultures, traditions, and perspectives fosters empathy and combats implicit biases. Studies highlight that children who learn about racial and cultural diversity develop a greater sense of fairness and social responsibility.
Introduce age-appropriate books and activities that celebrate different cultures and discuss the importance of fairness and equity.
Cultural Connection
In Japanese culture, the concept of omoiyari teaches children to consider others’ feelings before acting. It helps children to pause, reflect, and approach situations with deeper understanding. Consider integrating this concept into your child’s daily interactions to encourage thoughtful and compassionate behaviours.
Final Thoughts
Raising an empathetic and compassionate child is about being intentional. By incorporating these small, yet powerful practices into daily life, you’re giving your child the tools to grow into a compassionate, successful individual. The fact that you are here, reading this blog post, means you are already making a difference. Keep going. Your efforts are shaping a more compassionate future.
Reflect
Which strategy will you try first?
Start today and create a ripple effect of kindness in your child’s world.
If you find it helpful, pass it along to a fellow parent or educator – because raising empathetic children is a journey best shared.
References:
- Christian, H., Mitrou, F., Cunneen, R., & Zubrick, S. R. (2020). Pets are associated with fewer peer problems and emotional symptoms, and better prosocial behavior: Findings from the Longitudinal Study of Australian children. The Journal of Pediatrics, 220, 265–272. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpeds.2020.01.012
- Kováč, T. (1998). Creativity and prosocial behavior. Studia Psychologia, 40(4), 326–330.
- Li, J., & Shao, W. (2022). Influence of sports activities on prosocial behavior of children and adolescents: A systematic literature review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(11), 6484. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph19116484
Tokhimo. (n.d.). Omoiyari: The reason why Japanese are empathetic and considerate. Retrieved January 23, 2025, from https://www.tokhimo.com/post/omoiyari-the-reason-why-japanese-are-empathetic-and-considerate-1#:~:text=Omoiyari%20is%20the%20sympathy%20and,verbally%20expressing%20it%20to%20you.
- Kształtowanie umiejętności. (n.d.). https://psychologia.edu.pl/czytelnia/50-artykuly/155-ksztaltowanie-umiejetnosci.html
- Xu, X., Liu, Z., Gong, S., & Wu, Y. (2022). The Relationship between Empathy and Attachment in Children and Adolescents: Three-Level Meta-Analyses. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(3), 1391. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph19031391
- Roerig, S., Van Wesel, F., Evers, S. J. T. M., & Krabbendam, L. (2015). Researching children’s individual empathic abilities in the context of their daily lives: the importance of mixed methods. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2015.00261
- Developmental Environments – Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2024, December 18). Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/key-concept/developmental-environments/
This piece was written for you by
A cognitive science student at the University of Virginia / Neuro Brain Trust Member
Jessica is a cognitive science student at the University of Virginia and a research assistant at the Developmental Neuroanalytics Lab. Passionate about neuroscience and science communication, she explores human development through research and writing.
Jessica Medlin
A cognitive science student at the University of Virginia / Neuro Brain Trust Member
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