The Only Child and Loneliness: What Parents Can Do

Do only children really feel lonelier – or is that just a myth we keep passing down?

Key Takeaways:

– Only children are not inherently lonelier. Studies show children with siblings may even report more loneliness than only children in some cultures, challenging long-standing myths. 
– The quality of parent-child connection – especially warmth, responsiveness and consistent attunement – is a stronger predictor of loneliness than family size. 
– Parenting style shapes emotional health. Controlling or emotionally distant parenting is linked to increased loneliness, while secure attachment builds resilience and connection. 
– Developmental needs change with age. From toddlers needing closeness to adolescents needing autonomy, emotionally attuned parenting must adapt across childhood stages. 
– Stereotypes about only children are unfounded. Research finds only children are often more independent, mature, and socially skilled – especially when offered rich peer interactions and adult support. 
– Fathers and secondary caregivers matter. Responsive fathering and non-maternal emotional presence significantly increase a child’s emotional regulation and social development. 
– Children absorb emotional cues from their caregivers – parents who care for their own mental and emotional health better support their children. 
– Culture shapes perceptions of loneliness. In places like China, cultural beliefs – not psychological evidence – often fuel the stereotype of the “lonely only.” Shifting the narrative begins with awareness and updated parenting approaches. 
– Consistent daily gestures of warmth – like listening, sharing stories, or offering hugs – lay the foundation for emotional safety and lifelong connection. 

AT A GLANCE

Only children are often thought to be lonelier than those with siblings. While this stereotype persists globally, especially in cultures like China, recent evidence challenges this belief and offers guidance for parents on fostering emotional wellbeing in only children. Family structures are evolving, and single-child families are increasingly common, so understanding how to support the emotional wellbeing of an only child has never been more important. 

Do Only Children Actually Feel Lonelier? 

Do our perceptions reflect actual experience? A 2021 study examining Chinese youth found a surprising disconnect between public perception and lived experience: although many adults believed only children were lonelier, the data showed that young adults with siblings actually reported higher levels of loneliness (1). This finding challenges a long-standing stereotype and suggests that being an only child does not inherently lead to increased loneliness. 

Neuroscience Insight

Beneath the surface, brain science offers a powerful lens for understanding why emotional warmth matters. Parenting is about wiring. Neuroscience tells us that emotional warmth from caregivers activates a child’s parasympathetic nervous system, helping them regulate stress and develop secure attachment styles. This nurturing environment lays the foundation for emotional resilience, reducing the likelihood of persistent loneliness and mental health challenges (4). 

Emotional warmth has a cumulative effect. It doesn’t need to be grand; repeated small interactions, like shared routines and reflective listening, shape the brain’s expectation of safety and connection. To explore research-backed tools for building calm and compassion in emotionally sensitive moments, read The Science of Emotional Resilience. 

What Actually Contributes to Loneliness in Children? 

Rather than looking at sibling status, perhaps we should look more closely at something else: loneliness in children is more strongly influenced by parenting quality than sibling status. Research consistently shows that the warmth, involvement and responsiveness of parents play a critical role in shaping children’s emotional health: 

• Parenting styles matter more than sibling status. Controlling or emotionally distant parenting can significantly heighten a child’s sense of isolation (2). 

• Secure attachment shields against loneliness. Children who experience consistent emotional availability from their parents report lower loneliness, regardless of whether they have siblings (2). 

• Rejection leaves long-term emotional scars. Adults who recall emotional rejection in childhood are more prone to psychological maladjustment and chronic loneliness (3). 

These findings suggest that what prevents loneliness is not quantity of companionship, but quality of emotional safety. One steady adult can outweigh the social value of multiple peers if that connection is deep and secure. To better understand behaviours often misinterpreted in emotionally isolated children, explore Understanding Challenging Behaviours in Children. 

Developmental Nuances 

As your child grows, so does the way they seek and receive connection. Toddlers benefit most from responsive physical closeness and simple routines. In middle childhood, verbal affirmation and involvement in their interests become vital. Adolescents require respectful autonomy, with emotional availability in the background. Tailoring your parenting to your child’s developmental stage increases connection. 

Attunement Through the Ages 

During toddlerhood (ages 1–3), consistent physical presence-holding, eye contact and mirroring emotions – helps children feel safe.

Preschoolers (ages 3–5) need co-regulation and story-based expressions to understand feelings.

By school age (6–12), conversations about friendships, self-esteem and inclusion should become central (7).

In adolescence (13+), connection thrives when caregivers allow space but remain emotionally accessible (8).

Developmentally appropriate support teaches children that they are seen and valued at every stage. For ways to build emotional resilience as a parent – while supporting your child’s unique needs – see How Can Parents Build Emotional Resilience in Themselves and Their Children? 

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Common Parental Misconceptions 

One of the most persistent myths is that only children are at a disadvantage socially-that without siblings, they may lack empathy, struggle to share, or grow up self-centered. Yet, research repeatedly refutes these ideas. 

• Myth: Only children lack social skills. In reality, only children often perform equally well or better in peer relationships compared to those with siblings. Their social skills are influenced more by parenting quality and peer exposure than family size (10). 

• Myth: They are too dependent on adults. Research shows that well-socialised only children demonstrate high independence, often due to increased interaction with adults and more opportunities to self-direct their activities (9). 

• Myth: They’re more likely to be spoiled or self-centred. These traits are not reliably higher in only children. Parental structure, not sibling presence, predicts entitlement behaviours (9). 

Adults often project their fears onto the only child experience. In truth, only children are frequently described by teachers as mature, self-motivated and socially competent – attributes linked to focused adult attention, not sibling interaction. 

How Parents Can Support an Only Child 

Parenting an only child means you may be their primary mirror for emotional regulation, social cues, and self-worth. It doesn’t mean doing more—it means doing what matters. Here are five deeply effective ways to support their social and emotional health: 

Foster social opportunities 

An only child may not have siblings to negotiate, share, or squabble with – but they can build those skills in peer environments. Encourage extracurriculars, community programs and unstructured play with other children to grow social confidence. For strategies to reduce digital overload and boost emotional connection, see Creating Digital Boundaries to Protect Your Mental Space. 

Cultivate emotional warmth 

Daily gestures of emotional warmth – eye contact, validation, affection, listening without interruption – all build up a child’s sense of emotional security. Research shows maternal warmth specifically reduces internalising behaviours like anxiety and depression (4). A five-minute check-in at bedtime, asking “What was your best and hardest moment today?” can be more emotionally regulating than hours of shared space without attunement. 

Model positive relationships 

Children observe more than they’re told. When they see parents nurture friendships, communicate authentically, and seek support, they internalise these patterns as normal and attainable (5). Parents don’t need to be perfect role models. Even narrating your efforts to reconnect with a friend or handle conflict calmly gives children a script for navigating their own social world. 

Avoid overprotection 

It’s tempting to cushion every fall, but children grow stronger through appropriate challenges. Encouraging autonomy helps develop their own coping strategies- crucial tools for managing loneliness and self-doubt. Autonomy and resilience are linked; letting children make low-stakes decisions, like choosing their outfit or resolving a playground disagreement, prepares them for more complex social scenarios. 

Address your own loneliness 

Children pick up on emotional undercurrents. Parental loneliness, especially if unspoken or unacknowledged, can trickle down into a child’s emotional experience. In fact, mothers who report regret or disconnection from parenting often have children who mirror those emotional patterns (6). 

The Role of Fathers and Other Caregivers 

While maternal warmth is well-documented, fathers and secondary caregivers play equally vital roles. Responsive fathering is associated with lower anxiety and better emotion regulation in children. When all caregivers contribute to emotional safety, a child’s support network deepens. 

The Science of Paternal Emotional Impact 

Research shows that when fathers are emotionally supportive, they buffer the effects of maternal stress and increase children’s emotion regulation skills. Notably, even when maternal support is limited, paternal involvement can significantly boost a child’s emotional resilience. Conversely, when both parents offer high emotional support, children show the most robust outcomes in regulation and mental wellbeing (11). 

Fathers’ emotional availability – defined by warmth, responsiveness, and presence- is linked to fewer behavioural problems and better emotional self-regulation in children, across diverse cultural settings. In fact, when fathers actively engage in early caregiving – such as during feeding, bedtime routines, and emotional coaching – children develop better social-emotional skills and show lower rates of internalising problems like anxiety and depression later (11). 

Expanding the Circle of Care 

These effects are not limited to biological fathers. Grandparents, adoptive parents, or step-parents who offer consistent emotional support contribute meaningfully to a child’s developing sense of trust and social safety. The essential factor is not who the caregiver is – but whether the child perceives them as emotionally present and attuned.

You don’t have to be perfect to be enough. Research consistently shows that “good enough” parenting – being emotionally available most of the time – is more than sufficient to foster resilience. If you’re showing up, listening, and learning, your child is already benefiting deeply from your love. To help your child view their emotional experiences as part of a meaningful journey, explore The Power of the Hero’s Journey in Teaching Young People Emotional Growth. 

Cultural Connection

In many East Asian societies – especially China – the belief that only children are inherently lonelier is deeply embedded in public perception. This stems largely from the legacy of the one-child policy, which influenced millions of families between 1979 and 2015. Yet, research shows a growing gap between stereotypes and reality (1). 

Cultural parenting norms amplify the stereotype. In a comparative study of Chinese and Japanese parenting, parental attitudes such as strictness and over-expectation were linked to increased loneliness in children – more so in China than in Japan (1). This suggests that cultural rearing practices, not only family size, shape emotional outcomes. 

The Rise of the “Lonely Culture”

Loneliness is part of a larger “single culture.” A recent media analysis in China noted the rise of a so-called “lonely culture” – a societal trend influenced by rapid urbanisation, shrinking family sizes and the normalisation of living alone. Terms like “single KTV” or “lonely economy” capture a growing emotional undercurrent affecting individuals of all ages, not just only children (12). 

The assumption that siblings automatically protect against loneliness overlooks the deeper influence of cultural norms, social support networks and parenting approaches. Emotional wellbeing is not culturally bound to family size, but culturally shaped by how relationships are valued and maintained. 

Freebie Resources to Deepen Your Parenting Practice 

To make this science actionable, we’ve created free, printable tools for everyday parenting. 

1. Fostering Compassion Calendar – Designed to cultivate empathy through small daily actions, this resource aligns with your article’s emphasis on emotional warmth and micro-moments of connection. 

2. Types of Play Checklist – Encouraging peer play is one way to support social development in only children. This checklist helps parents recognise different forms of play that build connection and resilience. 

3. Monthly Activity Ideas – Offers creative bonding ideas that don’t require siblings – ideal for single-child families building routines of emotional safety. 

All resources are free to our subscribers. Sign up here to download, print, and start using them right away to support inclusive, joyful learning.   

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Final Thoughts 

Being an only child doesn’t mean being a lonely child. Loneliness stems more from emotional environments than sibling dynamics. Parents can make a big difference by fostering warmth, autonomy and social connection in their only child’s life. 

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References:

1. Lin, S., et all (2021). Chinese people believe that only children are lonely. But Chinese youth who are only children report less loneliness than their peers with siblings. Population Research Center. https://doi.org/10.26153/tsw/13882 
2. Yan, J., Feng, X., & Schoppe-Sullivan, S. J. (2018). Longitudinal associations between parent-child relationships in middle childhood and child-perceived loneliness. Journal of Family Psychology, 32(6), 841–847. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000446 
3. Tutschek, D. (2025, June 8). How childhood trauma echoes in adult relationships – and how therapy can help. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/solving-the-relationship-puzzle/202505/when-the-past-haunts-the-present-trauma-and?msockid=186f9f3179b064071f138a2f78d36501 
4. Zhang, L., Wang, R., Li, Y., & Chen, L. (2024). The impact of maternal emotional warmth on adolescents’ internalizing problem behaviors: the roles of meaning in life and friendship conflict. Frontiers in Psychology, 15. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1478610 
5. Nowland, R., et all (2021). Experiencing loneliness in parenthood: a scoping review. Perspectives in Public Health, 141(4), 214–225. https://doi.org/10.1177/17579139211018243 
6. Bodin, M., & Fängström, K. (2025). Loneliness among parents in Sweden who regret having children. Journal of Child and Family Studies. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-024-02988-8 
7. Holodynski, M. (2009). Milestones and Mechanisms of Emotional Development. In: Markowitsch, H., Röttger-Rössler, B. (eds) Emotions as Bio-cultural Processes. Springer, New York, NY. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-0-387-09546-2_7  
8. Bülow, A., et all (2022). Universal ingredients to parenting teens: parental warmth and autonomy support promote adolescent well-being in most families. Scientific Reports, 12(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-21071-0 
9. Hawley, P. H. (2016). Eight Myths of Child Social Development: An Evolutionary approach to power, aggression and social Competence. Evolutionary psychology (pp. 145–166). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-29986-0_6 
10. Fink, E., De Rosnay, M., Peterson, C., & Slaughter, V. (2013). Validation of the peer social maturity scale for assessing children’s social skills. Infant and Child Development, 22(5), 539–552. https://doi.org/10.1002/icd.1809 
11. Cimino, S., Tafà, M., & Cerniglia, L. (2024). Fathers as Key figures Shaping the foundations of Early Childhood development: An exploratory longitudinal study on Web-Based Intervention. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 13(23), 7167. https://doi.org/10.3390/jcm13237167  
12. Qiu, L., Liu, X. (2019). Media Representation of Loneliness in China. In: Fox, B. (eds) Emotions and Loneliness in a Networked Society. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-24882-6_7  

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